Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
