All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
