Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
