don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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