i just google imaged poop.
sarcasm needs its own font
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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