There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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