so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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