I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
