already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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