Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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