I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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