I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
