okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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