Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize