My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
