My nipple is on Facebook.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
