my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
