so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
