Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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