Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize