I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
