She said her name was "party"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
