I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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