if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
