I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize