My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
