Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
