For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was like getting head from an anaconda
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
