That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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