I got chris browned last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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