i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
