Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
