I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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