Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just gift wrapped bread.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
