my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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