My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize