You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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