I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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