you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
BRING THE BAGELS
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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