ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
