Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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