im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
