Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
