physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
