ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
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