Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
