these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
