Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize