Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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