I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
