i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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