I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
