how can u be prego again
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
