I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
