Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Say something about gay babies.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
