And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
