Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
