to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
