dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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