I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
