I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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