Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
