So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
